wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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