I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
