The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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