Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
