When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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