that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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