I have demons in me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize