Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He better not be in your backpack
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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