I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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