last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
