My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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