so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
