He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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