I am spending my child support on dildos
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You pole danced in your parka.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
