Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
