I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
