Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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