lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
