Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
