For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
