Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
