if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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