I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
