In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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