hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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