the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
