I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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