Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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