his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
