I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
