i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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