Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
