after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
