apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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