saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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