benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
