My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
