im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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