if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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