don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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