there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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