i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
