we have pet lesbian snakes
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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