pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
