I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize