I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
