saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize