Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
