I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
