I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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