Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
