I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
