very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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