dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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