youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
