She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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