Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
