After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
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nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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