i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
