It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
