I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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