R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
